Dear N,
That was low, lower than I expected from you. You know I have a boyfriend- we had talked about him earlier in the evening. But you couldn't stop yourself any more than I could, even with Cait right there. I'm so lucky you didn't try to kiss me because I know I wouldn't have been able to stop myself, and the last thing I want is to cheat on Colin.
More happens than has in months, and I can't even put it into words. Damnit, Nick.
At least I know it's mutual. At least I know you can't control yourself, either. At least I know you love me too.
S.
That was low, lower than I expected from you. You know I have a boyfriend- we had talked about him earlier in the evening. But you couldn't stop yourself any more than I could, even with Cait right there. I'm so lucky you didn't try to kiss me because I know I wouldn't have been able to stop myself, and the last thing I want is to cheat on Colin.
More happens than has in months, and I can't even put it into words. Damnit, Nick.
At least I know it's mutual. At least I know you can't control yourself, either. At least I know you love me too.
S.
Post your favourite link...
I'm not religious at all but I love the arrangements and harmonies in this www.youtube.com/watch.
Happy holidays!
I'm not religious at all but I love the arrangements and harmonies in this www.youtube.com/watch.
Happy holidays!
Dear, you
You have just caused a stupid, muffled, bolt of emotion within me - and it lingers, it doesn't let go until it's held on for awhile. This has pissed me off, this has made me upset.. And I don't know what to feel.
DON'T treat me like a piece of shit on your shoe (like you have done in the past at times.. It hurts) - you are no better than anyone else, and no one else is any better than you.
2009, early Christmas morning, and what/who am I writing about.. YOU! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
What is going on with you?
What am I to you?
Remind me, who are you??
From, me
You have just caused a stupid, muffled, bolt of emotion within me - and it lingers, it doesn't let go until it's held on for awhile. This has pissed me off, this has made me upset.. And I don't know what to feel.
DON'T treat me like a piece of shit on your shoe (like you have done in the past at times.. It hurts) - you are no better than anyone else, and no one else is any better than you.
2009, early Christmas morning, and what/who am I writing about.. YOU! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
What is going on with you?
What am I to you?
Remind me, who are you??
From, me
There's nothing I love more than unconventional holiday music. So let me share some of my favorites with you.
( Holiday insanity below the cut )
( Holiday insanity below the cut )
- Location:Home
- Mood:cheerful
- Music:Christmas
Posting this man's music again,'cause it's better on a playlist.And some songs(videos) were not inlcuded on the last entry,from like 4 months ago...lol...hmm maybe more than that.
So anyway he has such a beautiful voice. http://www.myspace.com/matthewsantos
So anyway he has such a beautiful voice. http://www.myspace.com/matthewsantos
- Music:Matthew Santos
Url: http://www.cdbaby.com/licateroster
San Francisco, CA - December 23, 2009 - The well-known classic "Amazing Grace" experienced a holiday makeover by visionary musicians Ann Licater and Jeff Oster. The San Francisco-based musicians collaborated to create a completely new rendition of one of the world's best-known songs. Unclassifiable as either Jazz, World, Christian or New Age music exactly, the track is finding a wide audience during its Holiday 2009 release as a 99-cent digital download exclusively on CDBaby (http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/licateroster
Licater explains, "Jeff (Oster) and I were originally inspired to create this rendition of ‘Amazing Grace' for consideration in the 2009 presidential inauguration; to us the Native American flute represented the heart of the people and the Flugelhorn really conveyed the honor and heraldry of the occasion."
The song stayed in the artists' hearts and minds all year long, seeming to beckon for a Holiday release. Although the musicians are both working on producing their next albums, they felt compelled to share the song with the world this year, rather than hold it for inclusion on future albums. Hymns and holiday music traditionally receive a boost at the holidays, and at just 99 cents on CDBaby.com, the download is priced right for sales during a recession-riddled holiday. The duo intends to employ a completely online "green marketing" approach to promoting the track, hoping fans will love it enough to pass it on to family and friends.
Dear Santa,
You are the prefect lie all across the world, I mean, how in the world can you get all around the world in one night by reindeer with a giant bag of toys for all the good boys and girls? How can you get into their houses if they don't have fire places?
Easy! All around the world in one night? PSH! Hello! It is called different time zones! So it makes it easier to give all the Aussies and whatnot their gifts first then go east to west. Duh. (Or is it west to east. Oh well!)
Reindeer? Clearly they are magical, duh.
The giant bag of toys? Well, you just packs them all up for the country he is going too then since the different time zones just goes back to the North Pole for a little rest and to get the rest of the gifts.
Fire places? Clearly, you use the front/back door. Suh.
See I have you all figured out Santa.
But I really need to know how you are treating those elves? All you do is check the naughty and nice list twice. So what?
The elves are working their little fingers bloody while you eat cookies and drink milk.
Don't mess with elves, they'll cut you.
From,
Casey
You are the prefect lie all across the world, I mean, how in the world can you get all around the world in one night by reindeer with a giant bag of toys for all the good boys and girls? How can you get into their houses if they don't have fire places?
Easy! All around the world in one night? PSH! Hello! It is called different time zones! So it makes it easier to give all the Aussies and whatnot their gifts first then go east to west. Duh. (Or is it west to east. Oh well!)
Reindeer? Clearly they are magical, duh.
The giant bag of toys? Well, you just packs them all up for the country he is going too then since the different time zones just goes back to the North Pole for a little rest and to get the rest of the gifts.
Fire places? Clearly, you use the front/back door. Suh.
See I have you all figured out Santa.
But I really need to know how you are treating those elves? All you do is check the naughty and nice list twice. So what?
The elves are working their little fingers bloody while you eat cookies and drink milk.
Don't mess with elves, they'll cut you.
From,
Casey
- Mood:
tired
- Mood:giggly
Dear N,
How many inebriated letters am I going to write you, honestly?
You were on my mind too much last night, all things considered. (Tonight as well, of course, but it's not quite so inappropriate to be thinking of you tonight).
There's still that part of me that's so convinced you feel something. (Half of my heart's got a real good imagination). Or why else would you still be prodding at me, putting in just enough contact to keep my latent hopes alive?
Goddamn, this isn't fair. You're always just on the edge of my mind, just barely on my thoughts, but you always stay there. I can't tell Colin I love him because it wouldn't feel fair to him- or myself, or even you- to tell him that even if I know it's true, when I still have these feelings for you. What the hell is this? What keeps us attracted, what keeps us coming back to one another? Why do we have to make it so hard for each other to forget? It's hard to explain my feelings for you- I don't want you, but at the same time, I want nothing more than to be back in your arms. I do love Colin, and I'm happy with him- but I can't lie. Sometimes my mind just goes away when I'm with him, and I'm back with you, I'm back on the porch. I'm back to the last day before school when I pressed my leg against yours and told you I'd stay for one last movie. I'm back to the anxious, anticipatory way you looked up at me when I got the movie out of the DVD player and shifted in your seat, suddenly struggling to find words to cover your nervous excitement.
("Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me, cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see. I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe- there, I just said it: I'm scared you'll forget about me.")
But I am so afraid you'll stop. So afraid that one day, you will move on and leave behind whatever nothing this is without a backwards glance. That you'll do as I've done and find someone to really be with, someone who is allowed to openly love you. One day you'll find a girl you actually like, and actually want to be with, and I'm going to look at her and it's going to hurt. It shouldn't, because I am with Colin, and you'd be doing only what I have been trying to do since April. But I feel like you can't- just can't date anyone- it would just hurt too much, it would be so painful and humiliating to see you happy with her when I can't be perfectly happy without knowing you're somewhere in the background.
What in the hell is wrong with me? I want you, I want you so badly, I can't have you, I don't want you. I feel like IMing you, though I know it's a horrible idea- the next contact attempt has to be yours, doesn't it? I feel like that's the way this game works- it's your turn, and I can't explain why. (This is all me being high, and half of this is probably irrelevant). I won't IM you tonight- it would make me seem too eager, as you only commented on my facebook yesterday.
I haven't seen you at all this week, which is weird, but I think that's probably a good thing. I will tomorrow, however. Will I wear my silver rings, or my gold? We'll see.
Ugh, fuck this entire letter! Fuck my THC-fueled train of thought- fuck myself and inability to be satisfied with the amazing thing I have now. Colin has so much potential to be amazing. If he'd stop making so many declarations of love and how I'm the one and such I could be in love with him, real love- not what I feel for you. That's not love, that's infatua-
No, it's love, who am I kidding?
Fuck you.
S.
PS: This is going on the top five of embarassing letters to you.
How many inebriated letters am I going to write you, honestly?
You were on my mind too much last night, all things considered. (Tonight as well, of course, but it's not quite so inappropriate to be thinking of you tonight).
There's still that part of me that's so convinced you feel something. (Half of my heart's got a real good imagination). Or why else would you still be prodding at me, putting in just enough contact to keep my latent hopes alive?
Goddamn, this isn't fair. You're always just on the edge of my mind, just barely on my thoughts, but you always stay there. I can't tell Colin I love him because it wouldn't feel fair to him- or myself, or even you- to tell him that even if I know it's true, when I still have these feelings for you. What the hell is this? What keeps us attracted, what keeps us coming back to one another? Why do we have to make it so hard for each other to forget? It's hard to explain my feelings for you- I don't want you, but at the same time, I want nothing more than to be back in your arms. I do love Colin, and I'm happy with him- but I can't lie. Sometimes my mind just goes away when I'm with him, and I'm back with you, I'm back on the porch. I'm back to the last day before school when I pressed my leg against yours and told you I'd stay for one last movie. I'm back to the anxious, anticipatory way you looked up at me when I got the movie out of the DVD player and shifted in your seat, suddenly struggling to find words to cover your nervous excitement.
("Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me, cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see. I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe- there, I just said it: I'm scared you'll forget about me.")
But I am so afraid you'll stop. So afraid that one day, you will move on and leave behind whatever nothing this is without a backwards glance. That you'll do as I've done and find someone to really be with, someone who is allowed to openly love you. One day you'll find a girl you actually like, and actually want to be with, and I'm going to look at her and it's going to hurt. It shouldn't, because I am with Colin, and you'd be doing only what I have been trying to do since April. But I feel like you can't- just can't date anyone- it would just hurt too much, it would be so painful and humiliating to see you happy with her when I can't be perfectly happy without knowing you're somewhere in the background.
What in the hell is wrong with me? I want you, I want you so badly, I can't have you, I don't want you. I feel like IMing you, though I know it's a horrible idea- the next contact attempt has to be yours, doesn't it? I feel like that's the way this game works- it's your turn, and I can't explain why. (This is all me being high, and half of this is probably irrelevant). I won't IM you tonight- it would make me seem too eager, as you only commented on my facebook yesterday.
I haven't seen you at all this week, which is weird, but I think that's probably a good thing. I will tomorrow, however. Will I wear my silver rings, or my gold? We'll see.
Ugh, fuck this entire letter! Fuck my THC-fueled train of thought- fuck myself and inability to be satisfied with the amazing thing I have now. Colin has so much potential to be amazing. If he'd stop making so many declarations of love and how I'm the one and such I could be in love with him, real love- not what I feel for you. That's not love, that's infatua-
No, it's love, who am I kidding?
Fuck you.
S.
PS: This is going on the top five of embarassing letters to you.
Dear you,
Do you say and talk about this stuff just to purposely make me feel like shit? Or is that just like an added plus on the side for you?
Sincerely,
Me
Do you say and talk about this stuff just to purposely make me feel like shit? Or is that just like an added plus on the side for you?
Sincerely,
Me
Dear Self,
Welcome back! I missed you so much!
Love,
Potentially Accusatory Conceit
Welcome back! I missed you so much!
Love,
Potentially Accusatory Conceit
Dear Alex,
You lost your phone...again?!
Jeez...
But I'm glad to know that why you probably didn't text me back...cause it was sometime around then I think that I had texted you.
I'm glad you're doing better in school...Its about time!! You only have 2 years left anyways. If you do well now then college and everything will be a lot easier...
I think it would be good for you to go to college. No one really thinks you will do well, and you're sister never went and we all expected her to. But if you go, and make something of yourself, then that would surprise everyone. Even me :)
I really hope you do make something of yourself....and that maybe this summer I can see you :)
I wonder...if I still like you?
Who knows?
~D
J,
I don't know how I feel about you. One minute I think I love you, next I don't know.
So I know that I don't in fact love you.
I don't know if I still like you....
My emotions are haywire right now....
You and Alex both confuse me....I don't know who I like, who I don't, blah blah blah.
But I just think that I don't like you anymore.
And its a relief.
~D
S,
Fuck you too.
I'm sick of you and your shit.
Grow up already.
~D
Self,
Get something done!!
~Me
You lost your phone...again?!
Jeez...
But I'm glad to know that why you probably didn't text me back...cause it was sometime around then I think that I had texted you.
I'm glad you're doing better in school...Its about time!! You only have 2 years left anyways. If you do well now then college and everything will be a lot easier...
I think it would be good for you to go to college. No one really thinks you will do well, and you're sister never went and we all expected her to. But if you go, and make something of yourself, then that would surprise everyone. Even me :)
I really hope you do make something of yourself....and that maybe this summer I can see you :)
I wonder...if I still like you?
Who knows?
~D
J,
I don't know how I feel about you. One minute I think I love you, next I don't know.
So I know that I don't in fact love you.
I don't know if I still like you....
My emotions are haywire right now....
You and Alex both confuse me....I don't know who I like, who I don't, blah blah blah.
But I just think that I don't like you anymore.
And its a relief.
~D
S,
Fuck you too.
I'm sick of you and your shit.
Grow up already.
~D
Self,
Get something done!!
~Me
- Mood:
contemplative
Dear my two best friends in the world,
People think it is wierd for two guys and a girl to be a trio of best friends, but I mean, look at Harry, Ron, and Hermione? I love you two so much, it hurts me to think about not having you with me after we all graduate this year. Sure, we are all going to community college for a while after we go to school, but it won't be the same. People always tease me and provoke me saying that girls just can't be FRIENDS with boys. They can!! I don't have a crush on either of you, and everyone else out there needs to see that. You two are my brothers and it would kill me if anything happened to you. Being with you all this week has opened my eyes to how much you two really mean to me.
The little sister sends all of her love to her big brothers. :)
Love, Me.
People think it is wierd for two guys and a girl to be a trio of best friends, but I mean, look at Harry, Ron, and Hermione? I love you two so much, it hurts me to think about not having you with me after we all graduate this year. Sure, we are all going to community college for a while after we go to school, but it won't be the same. People always tease me and provoke me saying that girls just can't be FRIENDS with boys. They can!! I don't have a crush on either of you, and everyone else out there needs to see that. You two are my brothers and it would kill me if anything happened to you. Being with you all this week has opened my eyes to how much you two really mean to me.
The little sister sends all of her love to her big brothers. :)
Love, Me.
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